I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
