Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
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