at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
