He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
