Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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