i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
