This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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