In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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