Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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