So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
