If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Use "feeling words"
Yay
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
