I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
