Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
