The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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