Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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