I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
