Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
