dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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