i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
you would pick up someone in the library
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
