He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize