Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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