My liver just broke up with me...
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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