My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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