i don't like sucking hair
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
