I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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