Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
