I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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