This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Blood and glitter go together right?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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