I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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