Whats the glycemic index on semen?
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
