Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
