and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
