that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Randomize
