it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
