True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
The beer is more important than you right now.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
