Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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