4 words: hood of his car
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
so let's talk penis.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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