Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
