so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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