You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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