if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Randomize
