Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize