Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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