I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
