haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
