Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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