Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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