I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
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he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
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Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I'm always down for nudity.
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