My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
