I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
just tell him i said nine months
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
