im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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