who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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