Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
