Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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