Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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