i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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