I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Randomize
