I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
