I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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