The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
We just shotgunned beers for America
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
