Michael Bay diarrhea
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
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