im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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