Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
