i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
