In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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