I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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