evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
