i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
