And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
