hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
