she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
