I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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